Facebook Killed My Blog; Comeback in Order
It is Wednesday, February 3rd and this will be my first post here in approximately four months. Like many others, Facebook has a way of killing blogs - mine, once a very popular one, too!
There's a lot that has transpired since early October and I won't necessarily try and catch up.
This past weekend, we had a very successful second annual Bill Crews Remission Run 5K in Conroe at Carl Barton, Jr. Park; however, I really can't even bask in the success of it all. (Not that I really would anyways.) The bottom line is that these is a situation that transpired within the last three weeks that left me a little confused and that kind of got stood up on its head this past weekend.
Yes, I'm kind of tough on myself. Always have been and probably always will be. But this situation left me to doubt myself and how well that I even view myself. It has rocked me pretty hard. I guess I came here - and got off of Facebook - to kind of be a little therapuetic and work my way through it.
Since this is a closed forum, so to speak, I can just kind of vent.
About three Mondays ago, I kind of opened myself to a little bit of melancholy before I left to come here to Poughkeepsie, New York for work - on Facebook, that is. And during that week, there was a cryptic set of e-mails that were traded back and forth leading up to that Sunday's Chevron Houston Marathon.
The e-mails implied one thing, but logic told me another.
All of that hit me like a 2x4 on Saturday, and I'm afraid that I failed a test. It isn't the first time and I'm probably sure that it won't be the last time, but it cut a little deeper, I suppose. And it all has some deeper roots.
It was a day at the Bill Crews Remission Run that my Mom and Dad were both at a race. They were there for two reasons - 1.) to see Waverly sing the National Anthem and 2.) to see my two nieces run the 1-mile run. Their names are Haylee and Hunter. Waverly, of course, ran with my youngest niece, Hunter, who is 5. They're both good kids and Hunter is just absolutely something else.
I was all over the place. I was race director. I was problem solver. I was cone-mover. I was cheerleader. I was a politician. I was a gracious host. I was public address announcer. I was many, many things and I changed from one moment to the next, but we made a lot of people happy. Especially those individuals who ran our race that were cancer survivors or were running in honor of or memory of loved ones who had battled or died of cancer.
The reviews were good. But I guess I was still looking for some words of approval from my Dad, who's 63. I figured that he would have been proud of me for an effort that I had led and worked on since May 2009 (after a successful first run the year before).
I also thought that I might have heard some words of congratulations from my daughter's mother, who got involved because her mom has, I believe what they call "watch and wait" lymphoma. She actually sees Bill Crews' oncology doctor, Dr. Rick Hagemeister. But there was no, "I'm really proud of what you did today" even when the conditions really warranted it.
And then there was this individual that had engaged me in some conversation earlier in the month. They were out at the Park and volunteering. I was glad that they were out, but it was a bit of pressure for me because of the communications. I suppose the error that I made is that I should have found a way to thank the individual in person for volunteering, but two things kept me from doing that. First, they were in a group of people who I've met once or twice and know their name, but I don't really "know" them and second, time just didn't present itself.
So I did the next best thing after I got home and got about seven hours of hard sleep, I began thanking people through the Facebook medium until about 4 a.m. and this individual was on that list. It was simple. I just thanked them for being a part and helping us put on a quality, fun event for all. And I guess the same thing happened: I thought that I might have received a "you know I had a good time and I was glad that I could help", but I didn't get it.
It would have been nice.
Therefore, I think the combination of those three left me getting up on Monday morning pretty depressed and questioning my own self-worth. Which I know is silly. Intellectually, that is. But emotionally, I took it all pretty hard.
It's odd. I really like to "fly under the radar". I like for nobody to really know that I've done anything - no matter what it is that is involved. I just don't want credit, that's all. I'm not one that has this grandiose view of myself. I think God has given me certain abilities and I try to use them as well as I can.
I left one running club for good in October over unrrelated issues and I withdrew from another one on Monday just so that I didn't feel commited to be involved and to do things.
I think I'm just going to go do my own thing for awhile. And work on me. If nobody can find me, nobody will bother me is the way I kind of look at it.
I'll still run races and such, but I won't be letting anybody know where I'm going or what I'm doing. I'll probably blog here ... so I guess you'll be the privileged ones - if you care, that is! :)
Time to eat on a Wednesday night in Poughkeepsie.
There's a lot that has transpired since early October and I won't necessarily try and catch up.
This past weekend, we had a very successful second annual Bill Crews Remission Run 5K in Conroe at Carl Barton, Jr. Park; however, I really can't even bask in the success of it all. (Not that I really would anyways.) The bottom line is that these is a situation that transpired within the last three weeks that left me a little confused and that kind of got stood up on its head this past weekend.
Yes, I'm kind of tough on myself. Always have been and probably always will be. But this situation left me to doubt myself and how well that I even view myself. It has rocked me pretty hard. I guess I came here - and got off of Facebook - to kind of be a little therapuetic and work my way through it.
Since this is a closed forum, so to speak, I can just kind of vent.
About three Mondays ago, I kind of opened myself to a little bit of melancholy before I left to come here to Poughkeepsie, New York for work - on Facebook, that is. And during that week, there was a cryptic set of e-mails that were traded back and forth leading up to that Sunday's Chevron Houston Marathon.
The e-mails implied one thing, but logic told me another.
All of that hit me like a 2x4 on Saturday, and I'm afraid that I failed a test. It isn't the first time and I'm probably sure that it won't be the last time, but it cut a little deeper, I suppose. And it all has some deeper roots.
It was a day at the Bill Crews Remission Run that my Mom and Dad were both at a race. They were there for two reasons - 1.) to see Waverly sing the National Anthem and 2.) to see my two nieces run the 1-mile run. Their names are Haylee and Hunter. Waverly, of course, ran with my youngest niece, Hunter, who is 5. They're both good kids and Hunter is just absolutely something else.
I was all over the place. I was race director. I was problem solver. I was cone-mover. I was cheerleader. I was a politician. I was a gracious host. I was public address announcer. I was many, many things and I changed from one moment to the next, but we made a lot of people happy. Especially those individuals who ran our race that were cancer survivors or were running in honor of or memory of loved ones who had battled or died of cancer.
The reviews were good. But I guess I was still looking for some words of approval from my Dad, who's 63. I figured that he would have been proud of me for an effort that I had led and worked on since May 2009 (after a successful first run the year before).
I also thought that I might have heard some words of congratulations from my daughter's mother, who got involved because her mom has, I believe what they call "watch and wait" lymphoma. She actually sees Bill Crews' oncology doctor, Dr. Rick Hagemeister. But there was no, "I'm really proud of what you did today" even when the conditions really warranted it.
And then there was this individual that had engaged me in some conversation earlier in the month. They were out at the Park and volunteering. I was glad that they were out, but it was a bit of pressure for me because of the communications. I suppose the error that I made is that I should have found a way to thank the individual in person for volunteering, but two things kept me from doing that. First, they were in a group of people who I've met once or twice and know their name, but I don't really "know" them and second, time just didn't present itself.
So I did the next best thing after I got home and got about seven hours of hard sleep, I began thanking people through the Facebook medium until about 4 a.m. and this individual was on that list. It was simple. I just thanked them for being a part and helping us put on a quality, fun event for all. And I guess the same thing happened: I thought that I might have received a "you know I had a good time and I was glad that I could help", but I didn't get it.
It would have been nice.
Therefore, I think the combination of those three left me getting up on Monday morning pretty depressed and questioning my own self-worth. Which I know is silly. Intellectually, that is. But emotionally, I took it all pretty hard.
It's odd. I really like to "fly under the radar". I like for nobody to really know that I've done anything - no matter what it is that is involved. I just don't want credit, that's all. I'm not one that has this grandiose view of myself. I think God has given me certain abilities and I try to use them as well as I can.
I left one running club for good in October over unrrelated issues and I withdrew from another one on Monday just so that I didn't feel commited to be involved and to do things.
I think I'm just going to go do my own thing for awhile. And work on me. If nobody can find me, nobody will bother me is the way I kind of look at it.
I'll still run races and such, but I won't be letting anybody know where I'm going or what I'm doing. I'll probably blog here ... so I guess you'll be the privileged ones - if you care, that is! :)
Time to eat on a Wednesday night in Poughkeepsie.
posted by WalkSports.com | 4:59 PM
1 Comments:
Good to see you out yesterday and writing again. Looks like you had a good race. We haven't crossed paths in a few months. I only have about 10 friends on Facebook so no one cares what I write in any case.
PSU
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